My dad did what he had to do.
Still, I can’t remember who said which part, but I can replay our exchange over and over.
“See you later alligator.”
“After while, crocodile.”
Most everyone knows my father, Carlton Wayne Derrett, passed away on November 23, 2001. Shoot, not to be crass, but come November this year, Dad’s time since leaving this earth could legally order a drink at the bar. Not that Dad would, because he was too focused on other things, like doing what he had to do.
I’ve written at length on Dad’s life – at one time ‘that Derrett kid from Winona’ and
–whoa. Sidenote – while trying to google one of my dad’s obituaries referencing the ‘Derrett kid from Winona’ line, I found a Tyler Leader article about his Gold Star 4H award and the fact that he was captain of the Winona football team, not just a guy on the team who was pretty good.
… ‘that Derrett kid from Winona’ and an unknown runner lining up for his first of many 100-meter dash races for Rice University. He eventually was the fifth-fastest Division I 100-meter runner in the country in 1977, and later he ascended the Miller Brewing Company ladder from truck driver to Southeast regional sales manager.
I’ve also written on my guess at how ******* hard it must have been for him as a Black man in America, in a virtually all-white corporate world, to raise a strong, compassionate family alongside my mother and provide a generational lift for the Derrett family. Dad was on the road quite a bit as my mom cared for my brother and me. But when he was on the road, Dad made sure to call — I’m not sure if it was nightly, or every other night, or whatever — but it was enough for me to remember the sign-off we had on every call. I had one part; he had the other.
“See you later alligator.”
“After while, crocodile.”
Dad showed us how to pursue greatness, find what worked for us, and love people close and far along the way.
As I’ve been admittedly off the radar to many family and friends who deserve better, I have at least tried to live out these virtues. And in the past few months, including the best day of my life as I got to marry my best friend, Mary Derrett, quite a few things have happened along our journey.
I learned a lot during my time as a Communications Specialist at Communities Foundation of Texas. Unfortunately, it was not the right fit, and my friends, family, and CFT colleagues all encouraged me to find what was right for the sake of my family, myself, and my mental health. Hopefully, we have found it.
On Tuesday, I start as Communications Coordinator at Uptown Church, the church Mary and I have found as a spiritual home. Our tagline is “In the city. For the city.” We serve the city as best we can, volunteering at local nonprofits, worshipping together on Sundays at the House of Blues, and intentionally making space at the table for folks who may feel uncomfortable, unwelcome, unheard, or even hurt by the collective church in the past. My position will be essentially building the communications strategy from the ground up and producing/publishing the content in all the channels. I’m joining a determined staff of four! We’re a branch of Highland Park United Methodist Church, so we have lots of support, especially in these early years as we strive to become self-sustaining.
In the same timeframe of receiving the job offer, Mary and I had a weekend where I passed the first unofficial ‘family vacation with the in-laws’ weekend (we had a BLAST in Branson, MO at Silver Dollar City). We also had a week of isolation due to COVID exposure. Fortunately, we just had mild symptoms.
We observed Mother’s Day, where once again, my late mother’s words were proving true. Sylvia Trono Derrett said always be open to change, and the world will not be disappointed in you. You have to find what is right for you.
Today, we also reflect on Juneteenth. Our pastor, Joy Gonzalez, captured some of my thoughts in her prayer during the church service. She prayed that we remember those who spoke out against slavery and discriminatory laws, and that we also continue to speak out against injustices today.
We hope we strive to become a country where my dad’s story isn’t an anomaly for Black men and people of color. We must either address our systemic inequities among historically marginalized groups or accept the suggestion that these cultures devalue generational financial security altogether, which can include higher education, safer communities, career advancement, and more. We refuse to accept that suggestion, which means we believe we have work to do.
Mary and I continue our work in this spirit. We are inspired by the stories of our past, excited for our future, and doing our best to savor every present moment free of future worry or past regret. We embrace each other today and hope many more days lie ahead on our marriage journey.
We love all of you so much. Love is not what we have to do; it’s what we need to live.